I try not to wax political on this blog. And by all rights, Girl Scout Cookies should not be something that can even take a political bent.
But here we are.
You’ve seen the memes. GMOs. Planned Parenthood. DOWN WITH THE EVIL COOKIES!
Back up your personal bitch bus, get off for a minute, and listen.
1. First off, Girl Scouts of the USA is not in league with Planned Parenthood. If you believe that GSUSA is in cahoots with PP, you’re stupid. Sorry, but you are. For one, GSUSA is a children’s organization. Typically, organizations that deal with kids steer clear of things like sexual practices. Second, the GSUSA site clearly explains the lack of involvement they have with the girls’ developing sexuality and all associated issues. If you truly think that the GSUSA FAQ on this issue is propaganda, and that your belief trumps what GSUSA says because you read it on the Internet, then your tinfoil hat is on just a little too tight. I suggest an adjustment.
Why is this one such a hot-button topic for me? Why don’t I care if I offend people who actually believe this tripe? Oh, maybe because these crazy idiots verbally accost our troop of little girls EVERY YEAR telling them that their cookie sales support the murder of babies. Quite literally in those words.
Yes, people… I’m looking at you. You’re ugly, and you should feel bad, if you think it’s okay to “educate” little girls by saying such things.
If you don’t want cookies, don’t buy them. But keep your mouth shut, and stop spreading nonsense and scaring children in the process.
2. Girl scout cookies are not made with formaldehyde, cement, bug parts, ear wax, turpentine, or the tears of the devil, no matter what that meme says. If you want to find out the ingredients of Thin Mints…. read the effing box. No, they’re not GMO-free, all-organic and grass fed. They’re cookies. When you walk past my girls in front of the store, turning up your nose at the lack of perfection in that box, and then you buy a bag of Cheez-its and a box of corn dogs, you, my friend, are a hypocrite.
Why is this important to me? Because my girls notice. They see what’s in the carts of the people who verbally assault them for selling a non-perfect product. They see your hypocrisy in all its glory. At least you become a teachable moment? Whatever. If you don’t want cookies, “No thank you” is a perfectly acceptable answer.
So, why SHOULD you buy Girl Scout cookies?
Girl Scout cookies aren’t about your pet political agenda, and they’re not about your diet. They’re about the girls. Scouts learn five key traits during cookie season:
- Goal Setting
- Decision Making
- Money Management
- People Skills, and
- Business Ethics
Sure, it’s true that in business you have to deal with all kinds. In a way, the assholes of the world who try to make cookie sales about themselves teach the girls how to handle said assholes. But in the last few years, it’s become all the rage… people read memes on the Internet and think that it’s okay to verbally assault children. DOWN WITH THE COOKIE! THE COOKIE IS PURE EVIL!
My daughter doesn’t benefit from your tirade, but she does benefit from cookie sales in a few ways.
- Her troop gets the money it needs to do fun things like go camping, horseback riding, rock climbing, ice skating… and now that they’re older, they’re planning an out-of-state trip, or even something as exciting as going to Europe. They’re learning how to plan for their future. They’re setting – and achieving – lofty goals, as a team, throughout the years. They’re becoming confident leaders who will improve our world once they reach adulthood.
- A large portion of the money from cookie sales subsidizes camp. Every year, when my daughter gets home from camp, I feel like she’s leveled up. Other parents have expressed the same sentiment. She’s more confident in her budding independence. She has found new passions and has honed new skills. She’s met new friends. Tried new experiences. She’s always filled with stories. Girl Scouts cookie sales make this experience accessible to most families, and the harder girls work, the more money they can personally make toward covering camp costs. If a girl sells enough boxes, she can go to camp for free. Tell me that isn’t a worthwhile lesson — teaching kids that hard work equates to tangible rewards.
- Planning, strategy, confidence, personal assertiveness, task management, time management, money management, integrity, honesty… these are all ideals that my daughter has personally gained from selling cookies.
So no, they aren’t GMO-free, organic, calorie-free nuggets of godliness. They’re cookies. If you don’t want to buy a box, say “no thank you” and be on your way. If you want to support the girls but don’t want to eat the cookies, consider a Gift of Caring donation (usually donated to the troops overseas or to local shelters or food banks, each troop decides, so ask them). If you want a box of Thin Mints to plow through in a single sitting, by all means, $4 and they’re yours.
But please, think twice about posting those ridiculous cookie-smear-campaign memes. And please don’t verbally attack the girls. This isn’t about you. It’s not about your political agenda. The chip on my shoulder is bigger than yours. Put it away, and think about the girls.